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you've got your gun to my head... [entries|friends|calendar]
this was only wishful thinking

I wouldn't front the scene if you paid me * I'm just the way that the doctor made me, on,
Love is the red of the rose on your coffin door * What's life like, bleeding on the floor,
You'll never make me leave * I wear this on my sleeve
Give me a reason to believe * thank you
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wow... [01 Apr 2006|09:54pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

he will never know how much hes hurt me,
even now as just friends im still hurting
not because i want to be with him,
but because i give him my heart and soul into our friendship,
and in return i get nothing,
over and over this cycle keeps repeating
from friendship to friendship.
am i taking things too personal?
i highly doubt it since i just brush it off,
but after it happening day after day,
i wonder maybe if i do one more nice thing ill get something in return,
but that never resolves the problem.
im sick of being run over by people,
when i try and stick up for myself i just get pushed in the face and made fun of,
im never taking seriously, i get no respect
and quite frankly im sick of it,
all i want is to be respected,
i dont want to be shunned off for someone who u can fuck,
when i need a friend i want u to be there enough said,
thats wat friends are for,
but obviously along the lines that idea got skrewed up,

just reflecting......

2 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

asdfasdfasdf [19 Mar 2006|11:58pm]
some one please tell me
can u be convicted of murder by slowly seeing someones heart dissolve into nothing but pain and sorrow and filled with only scientific matter?
1 comment|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

well.... [08 Feb 2006|10:38pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

well wouldnt u like to know wat goes on when ur not around,
oh its juicy and who would have thought we would all have a great time with out you,
its no fun with u i wish i could press the rewind button,
and make sure i never met u before,
but the fact is i cnt do that,
so imma just live my life and stay out completely,
but all i know is that wouldnt u like to know of the shit that happens when ur gone!
OH i can tell u that its not for little childrens ears,
and quite frankly i think they would die at the sight of you.
OH oh oh wouldnt u like to know how everybody hates u
and that you have no friends!

So Fucking Juicy!!!!!!!!


<3 munchkin

5 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

lost [05 Feb 2006|12:51pm]
[ mood | confused ]

well vice was last nite and it was amazing,
limo ride was the funnest thing ever,
dinner at rubys was excellent,
the dance was kinda lame,
goin to 711 at 1030 at nite all dressed up=hilarious,
the limo ride home consisted of us gettin crunk,
the after party was great,

funny moments of the nite:
sydney dancing in her knees
donavon singing to the waitress
our random contest
donavon backin up wat his mama gave up all up on me hahaha
looking at that massive orgy goin on at the dance of course haha

there was a sad moment though when i got a phone call
and it kinda sucked not hearing it from his mouth first
and yes i was hurt
but i mean i got over it and i mean i was stupid to think that anything would happen
even though i know that we were meant to be ish i dont really know
but hes always gonna be in my heart and as much as he wont admit it ill always be in his

where do i go from here?

8 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

when i go down, i go down hard [31 Jan 2006|09:27pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

well life has been difficult lately,
things are getting better but i want my freakin right hand back and it hurts so bad because of yesterday.
vice is this weekend tahts gonna be fun even though i have no dress and no date yet yay!!!

Calvin=such a gangster hahahaha

i miss my car!!!

and ive been really emo lately not good
and i wrote my descriptive essay about becca today hahaah
i love u!!!

save me people!

4 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

yo yo yo [28 Jan 2006|06:12pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

There are times when i look back,
at the things in my life.
no one remembers the good,
all the remeber is the evil,
so why try and be nice,
why try to care,
i can tell u why,
because its about the ones u love,
the ones that havent broken ur heart,
the ones that care more for u than themselves,
even though he broke my heart once,
we found our way back to something great,
thats wat love is,
its finding it and keeping it and never losing it.
love is the strongest bond between two people,
it must be like in chemistry when i learned,
that H2O was the strongest most unique bond.
thats wat love is ur love must be strong,
it must be able to endure the pain, the sorrow, and the regrets.
love must be unique to each person,
there is something special about that person,
about the way u feel when u see them,
when they touch ur hand,
give u that kiss on the head to let u know,
everythings gonna be alright.
thats how i feel with each person i love,
that no matter how much i reach the bottom,
they can grab a rope and pull me out.
because they love me so much they would put me before them.
they care more about how i feel and how they treat me,
that they would drop anything to help me
to hold me like there was no tomorrow.
that is love right there
so never forget it
and thats why life goes on.

those are my thoughts on things right now its like a long poem, a unrhyming song, but each and everyone of u know its true

<3

p.s. happy bday ry ry, happy bday krysta, happy bday alma!

5 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

well..... [17 Jan 2006|07:17pm]
[ mood | angry ]

in response to everything that is goin on,
i have one thing to say........
get ur shit straight!

and this song describes everything

 

Seventy times 7Collapse )

5 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

bleh [11 Jan 2006|10:19pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

um... boys are assholes end of story,
and i dunno i hate my life
and kdjfaksjdfkajsdfkjakdfadf
god please save me....


sincerely the unhappy munchkin

8 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

well [24 Dec 2005|11:53pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

I can officially say, "MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!!!"

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

6 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

ya [18 Dec 2005|10:01pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

ya so i came back today
well it wasnt that bad
only at sometimes hahaha
i have some cool pictures but ill bring those later hehehe
and i love krysta cain to death!!!
and all my friends

and also i realized alot of shit tonite and alot of shit happened and everythings okay now but im glad i did go through that
i like this guy and ya hes cute

bleh blah bleh blah

4 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

im off [16 Dec 2005|02:23pm]
[ mood | content ]

well this weekend im off to san francisco with the family hahaha oh wat fun
well u can call me please do 661-305-4519 so ya u should really holler at me....
i love u all and i will be back sunday nite

peace outs

4 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

thoughts [15 Dec 2005|02:59pm]
[ mood | blah ]

well lately ive been wondering y people like to complain about things. at first i just thought well its because there lil bitches ya know. but then as i thought about it, i figured thats not a good enough reason for me. so ive been pondering this thought for a while now. One thought is that they just want attention. when someone is an attention whore, they must strive to gain that attention and sympathy from others. well if ur lookin for sympathy dont come to me. first off i will empathize for u, but i will not sympathize, because sympathy only makes u weaker, and i know for my self i hate when people have complete sympathy, all i ask for is empathy, which is not too much and not too little. Another thought is maybe its just their bad day, but wat happens when this begins to be a every day thing? no one can have a bad day every day its impossible. The only way that happens is if ur pessimistic, but even then i dont think they have a bad day every day? Maybe they just have no other way to vent their thoughts but to complain about it? but y cant u just say ur thoughts and vent them, rather than us a whiny voice and complain about every small thing. But most of all the when a person complains 24/7 it means they are looking for attention and tahts they only reason y. And even if u have a crappy life and everything is bad, complain doesnt get you anywhere trust me, and usually in that case they dont complain because there just so weak they cant even bother to complain. Ya i know everyone complains at one point or another, i am guilty of this of course, but so is everyone. The only time it becomes a problem is when it is an everyday thing, and trust me the people that have to deal with it, become very annoyed, very easily. Ive gone through alot of shit, ya i have a pretty shitty family, and lots of fucked up things have happened to mea nd my family; but the one key thing that i will never forget is, as much as they piss me off and do this shit to me, i know that they will love me no matter what. That is why i have a family of friends, the ones that are so close to me and know me so well, sometimes even better than i know myself. I'll never forget how much they mean to me, and how much i mean to them. That is one of the reasons that im still alive today, the one thing that kept me from doin something freshman year and last year. And from these experiences and shitty times i have learned and become even more mature than alot of adults. The one thing i think of is just to keep smiling, because if i frown i will become a bitter old bitch one day, and thats the last thing i wanna be.

sorry about this long ass entry but i just needed to vent i mean it is a LIVEJOURAL haha hence the name journal hehe.
well i love all of my friends especially the ones that have kept me alive and u guys know who u are...

2 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

bleh [13 Dec 2005|09:17pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

i know i just updated yesterday
but im gettin so sick of people right now
im sick of people complaining 24/7 its really freakin annoying i must add
u can talk about ur problems but dont fucking whine about it, suck it up and deal with it, everyone has problems.

and to add to this im really pissed at one of my best friends because hes being a dick head and ajsdkfj;laksdjfkljasdlfkjlaksdfjkajsdf;klajsdf
sorry needed to vent a lil bit of my anger

other than this im okay i think?
oh well have a lovely nite

4 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

wow.... [12 Dec 2005|10:02pm]
[ mood | weird ]

well life is interesting, kinda sad about a couple things but i wont let that bring me down ya know?
but theres 4 more days of school left and im so excited, and everyone we must make plans.
i just wish i knew who i was....
like i know who i am, yet i dont know wat im meant to do in the world.
i wish i would get a sign.
oh well

i cnt wait for christmas because ryan is coming over to build a gingerbread house together, and bake a cake together i cnt wait!!!

well i love u all
and i hope that everyone who needs prayers gets them
especially kayleigh(my grapes) and Krysta cain!!!!

have a beautiful day.....

p.s. i love my homies

1 comment|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

blah [06 Dec 2005|03:38pm]
[ mood | calm ]

well ive been sick for 5 days now, missed 2 days of school, and i have gone through 5 boxes of tissues, 3 bags of cough drops, eaten 2 times in the past 5 days(where the meals were both soup), and ive been drugged up with every pill u could imagine. I love being sick with an upper respiratory infection its lovely. Every thing i eat i pretty much puke out, and i cant really breath out of my nose. Oh well.....

Better news, my new cell phone finally came after like 2 weeks, ya thats wat they call over nite delivery these days. So add my number 661-305-4519. yes i am from the Big V and ur jealous.

the love life is definitely improving, ive finally gotten over the fact that he is just completely incapable of being in a relationship and realize that it takes 2 people to make it work not just me. So now im married to shawny boi, he is quite adorable. ive moved on from gangster bois, to skater bois, how odd?

and i love all my friends and everyone on cheer for callin me and askin me for the one block i was at yesterday if i was okay and how i was doin....

have a dandy day everyone
<3

16 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

so.... [30 Nov 2005|10:56pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

well closure is good especially when its in person, and im happy now and ive realized i dont need him, i just need myself and my homies

some words of insight....

When u get knocked down, get back up and kick the hoe.....

Think positive, picture urself reaching back and slappin da hoe....

im way to gangster for u guys... jk jk

luv u

p.s. FELIZ CUMPLEANOS A STEPHANIE Y ADAM!!!!!!!!!

5 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

who would have thought [28 Nov 2005|10:04pm]
u know wat babi, ill sit here and believe u while u try and hold back ur feelings, i know its hard, but is it really good for the both of us, i know u still wanna try, but ive given up hope now, ive lost all expectation, leaving me with no dissapointment, one day ull realize wat u missed and that i am the best u could ever do, and then ull feel the poundin of my heart that u caused everytime i thought of u, just remember u hurt me many times for sure, but u defenintely havent broken me, i may be tiny, but im not fragile, im always gonna be ur tru love babi.

yes that is for a certain someone
8 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

hola senores/senoritas [20 Nov 2005|05:02pm]
[ mood | calm ]

well its been a while since ive updated on here
well life has been interesting,
school has been interesting too and um.. ya
the love life has been lots and lots of fun hahaha
and i just wanted to take time out to say
wow i fucking Love Becca, Ryan and Derek i love u all to death and thanx so much

luv yal

2 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

pictures [23 Oct 2005|08:01pm]

 

PICTURES OF JOEYS CAR HEHEHE!!Collapse )

19 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

bleh [23 Oct 2005|10:51am]
[ mood | cranky ]

well this weekend was filled with ups and downs
yesterday kierra and sub and i went to the jv football game and yes they did win they killed them.
after we were bored and decided to tippi joey's car
hahaha that was funn
ill have pictures later,
but as i got home things fell apart and my family is fucking crazi and disfunctional as usual, we will leave it at that,
then i just left the house and went to ryans work and stayed there until about 8 and then i had to come home
ryan cheered me up so much i love him.
my bro apologized and that made things even better,
but then a friend said that something that happeneed didnt happpen and yes wat did happen was a serious issue in my life and i am still extremely pissed off.
and now its sunday,
and if i finish my hw early then i can go to dereks maybe?

well luv ya all
ally

10 comments|my finger on the trigger or me face down accross your floor? just so long as this things loaded

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